Fuck Heroes

You disappoint me. As one of my favorite shows you have certainly jumped the shark. How did the story get broken down after the first season?

"Well, we've got the TV world's attention, what do we do now?"

"How about we add a dozen characters, kill half of them except not have them be REALLY dead, aaaaaand...oo! We make the plot more byzantine than the X-Files ever dreamed it could be."

Anyone feel me here?

Whew. Thanks. Needed to get that off my chest. Still not much going on, that's why you haven't really heard much from me lately. I have had the chance to see Coldplay and NIN again. Trent now slips ahead of them all as the act I have seen the most, and that's appropriate, because he's awesome. Coldplay seemed very...similar. It's easy to see they were tired. As an actor I've certainly had performances where I wasn't 'feeling it' and went out and Acted. No doubt it happens to touring acts as well. NIN, while not doing anything drastically different, still rocked the house. You can't have a show like that on half, it' sgotta go all the way to eleven.

In other news, something's brewing on the theater front. I won't say anything til it happens, but it's...exciting?

Oh, and if any of you are still interested there's more writing on www.triggerstreet.com . Just look for user name krtshadow and you'll find fixed versions of the first story and a whole new one.

Hi. I'm aware it's been a while. I feel like I've been eating a bunch of sh!t sandwiches lately and communicating on a fundamental level has been ...difficult. No worries. I'm resilient if nothing else.

So the half-marathon was a wild success. My shin splints had been acting up all week. I thought it would be thirteen miles of pain. I didn't care. If i had to crawl I was going to finish. When I lined up I was a huge bundle of nerves, but when the running started there was no pain at all. Never during the run did my shins feel a second of pain. It was like having a weight taken off my back.

Now so you know, it's STILL thirteen miles of pain, but pain I can get with. I was trained to the best of what I could accomplish. I had the goal I told everybody I'd be okay with. Then I had a secret goal, something to push for but not have to share my disappointment if I didn't get it. Well, I finished twelve minutes ahead of my secret goal so staying I was ecstatic was understatement. Now it's on to my next big goal. A marathon next year.

Other news, I write. And I wrote some more. I could be putting more effort into it but everything feels so 'hiatus' right now.

I've also been thinking about directing theater, god help me. For some reason I keep going back to the show Bug. Anything that ends with main characters dousing themselves in gasoline...I'm down with it. Never seen the movie, don't care to.

For this, my 100th post...

...I'm not apologizing for being away so long.

Nothing's happened. Writing continues, and is now in the far less fun process of RE-writing. Throwing my manhood on the page wildly was fun and creative, but now it must turn into a story.

There is finally a "big time" movie done in my area starring a very famous person. I've had a day on it so far. What I find is that everyone east of Worcester thinks everyone WEST of Worcester can't possibly be as good, smart, or professional as them. And they're in charge. So even though I'm fifteen minutes at most from every single set they ship Boston extras in and put them up in hotels and give them all the choice spots and they still talk with that godawful accent. And, regional differences notwithstanding, a lot of them are morons (see previous meatball references).

Most of the reason I haven't written in ages is that I've decided to run the Hartford Half Marathon. See, my scale and I had a disagreement, and my mirror weighed in on its' side. So I decided to run. (I've heard all the Forrest jokes already.) Finding that I could actually obsess over it was interesting, so I decided the most natural thing would be to run 13.1 miles. Hold your laughter.

So I do that in two days. My legs are burning from the knees down, I'm slightly terrified, but mostly pumped and ready to go.

Wish me luck.

And Now for Something Completely Different...

...or at least mostly different.

I've been on vacation for two weeks. It's been a home vacation, so not too much excitement, but there is so much that I want to get out in this post that I very well might have to do this incrementally.

So the first week was basically hanging around my house accomplishing very little. At any time I could be found

-Sleeping

-Writing
-Drinking

-Watching movies

-Eating (good) sushi

-Eating
-Drinking

-Sleeping

-Running (but that might end up being another entry)

The writing dried up after the first four or five days. Both the projects I'm working on right now are with other people, and both of them are neck deep in paying work. Everybody's gotta eat, so it's no big deal. I should have worked on my first script but it terrifies me. I did manage to get it printed and in a binder, ready to be knifed to ribbons. After the writing was done much more drinking happened.

It kind of stinks to be on vacation when no one else is. Fortunately I like solitude as well as company, so no big shakes.

Week number two was all about the music. See, instead of going somewhere alone I spent whatever trip money I had on concert tickets. The week began with Saturday...

Saturday the lady friend and I drove down to hartford to see Coldplay. This would be my third time seeing them and it's a show that never gets old. Has my manhood been questioned because of my fondness for them? Sure, but then I still sing along to Duran Duran so who's counting? Have I sung along at the top of my lungs while driving down the freeway, being stared at by every car I pass? You betcha. Never stops me.

Anywho, the show was amazing. They've gone from being a great band to see play to being an amazing SHOW to experience. They certainly are dialing in their shows. One thing I've never seen was an acoustic set from the middle of the audience. And I've seen a LOT of concerts. I would definitely not sit on the floor again, though. I'm too old to fight to get to the front row, and craning my neck to look over someone's head gets old fast.

My cell phone's camera is pretty craptastic but I did manage to get this:

What you're seeing is the gajillions of paper butterflies that were launched from the ceiling. It was pretty rad. Also, there's a restaurant right by the arena called Agave. They have mojito stations along the bar. God love them.

So the next night was supposed to be a calm inside night of Scrubs episodes. Instead a friend called me with free tickets to a band called Ra. Not really my thing anymore, but for a free ticket what the hey? It was your basic 'modern rock' show. There were five bands, all playing basically the same thing. Each band that played next was tighter than the one before it, but they all sound the same to me now. When I was in bands like this (this would be in the early 90's) every band was wildly different. Crazy lineups, weird instruments, different points of view. And there was always a dozen kids in the crowd that had gotten hold of a jar of Manic Panic before the show. (My favorite was Turquoise and Flamingo Pink.) Now it's the same guy with the 'disturbed' t-shirt and crew cut who's all about 'kicking ass in the pit.' Or the kid who got all gothed up over at Hot Topic.

(Side rant: If you were in high school in the late eighties/early nineties and wanted to be the 'different kid' it took WORK. Hours of scouring the Salvation Army's and Goodwills to find just the right flannel and all the good black clothes you could find. It cost almost nothing but took forever. You earned your tight to be different. Now every seventeen year old Dashboard freak can go into Hot Topic with daddy's credit card and buy pre-packaged 'different' costumes for a couple hundred bucks. THIS was what Naomi Klein was talking about in No Logo.)

Still, I managed to enjoy it. good friends and a ridiculous bar tab can fix almost anything.

The next night was also supposed to be an off night as well. Then the lady friend calls. She's going to see KT Tunstall in town with a friend. That friend had to cancel. Do I wanna go? Why the heck not?

I didn't really know a ton of her music but I was familiar with it. It was good. A lot of it sounded the same but it was all entertaining and that gorgeous little lady with that aaaaaawesome Brit rasp...mmhmm.

But it was Thursday that was to be the start of something really special. That's when I saw...

For those that don't know, that'd be Nine Inch Nails. A little too much for some, this band found me right when I needed them. Thursday would be my fourth time seeing them over the years, and I can't decide if this was my favorite show of theirs or not. They're always amazing and they bring a SHOW. It's not just musicians doing their thing, there are scrims, lights aplenty, and an energy that I still haven't seen matched by a live music act.

A lot of bands will do a stripped down mini set at some point. They all grab acoustic guitars and sit on stools at the front of the stage anbd get simple. This is their version:

I don't know why I didn't get pictures of some of the more impressive visual elements. I must have been too amazed at what I was experiencing. I brought my roommate from college, who'd never truly been sold on them. By the time it was over, he was a confirmed disciple.

The plan was to see them the next night in Worcester, but apparently Trent Reznor overdid it with his voice on Thursday, so the show is postponed to November 9th. Grrrrrr!! The only consolation is that when he makes it up, he's guaranteed to bring it. Here's some other pics of that night...

Now I went back to work, and that wasn't fun. What WAS fun was my first day off. that was the night of seeing one of my other favorite bands...

You can't tell, but that's Radiohead

If you don't know them, run out and buy every album of theirs you can find. Download every scrap of music they have out there. Because they're pretty much the most important music makers out there. The fact that they can sell out 30,000+ arenas and outdoor amphitheaters with not television or radio coverage speaks volumes. A friend of mine who's as rabid a fan but never seen them was my compatriot, and we shelled out a ridiculous amount of money for well placed seats. I have a real hard time deciding whether NIN or Radiohead was a better show.

So the whole week plus was a grand success for me and I loved every minute of it.

I have new stuff to talk about, but no time to type. Next time you'll get the next installments.

So I haven't updated much from a)boredom b)laziness c)nothing to talk about (yet).

However I wanted you to see this. I don't know if I'm the last person to find this or what but I looked at the keyword activity for my blog and the same search string got me to it. I laughed til tears rolled down my face. I hope she never stops.

http://www.thingsmyboyfriendsays.com/

Later, yo.

Hold on to your hats, here comes the next rant...

Let's say I drove out to an audition. Let's say it was a five hour drive round trip. Let's say the audition took all of five minutes. Let's say the director barely even looked and maybe mumbled a "thank you" on my way out. Let's say that was most of a tank of gas, parking, and general pain in the assedness of driving anywhere in Massachusetts on a Sunday.

Let's say that was last weekend. Let's say that this coming weekend was going to be rehearsals for this upcoming short/independent/non-paid movie. Let's say that in July there would be seven shooting days. Let's say that as a prospective actor I've held all those days so I won't have to cancel plans in cast I get cast. Nine days, haven't been able to say yes to anything.

What do you do when you've heard nothing?

Not being cast? No big deal. It felt like the part was already someones and they were waiting out the hours. That's fine. Maybe they didn't care for my audition or just felt I wasn't right for the part. I don't care about that either. That's auditioning.

Not being told I wouldn't be used? That's a Big. Fucking. Deal.

I would think it's basic common courtesy. "Hey, sorry we couldn't use you. Thanks for coming out." Is that so goddam hard? Hell, in today's world you do that in an email and you don't have to explain anything or have to listen to sobbing. Is that so fucking hard? I was doing this out of basic goodwill. People like you make me lose that a little at a time and I hate it.

I wrote about this a while back in my letter to independent filmmakers. I will also restate my severe ire at director's who never tell you about progress on movies you've completed shooting. "Hey everybody, this is my monthly email to the cast and crew of blank movie. Had to be at my day job/class/computer crashed so I haven't gotten any work done." Is that so fucking hard too? I hate HAte HATE pestering people, it makes me feel like I'm the one being the dick, and I'm not. It tells me that my time is cheap to you, director, and I'm not part of the process. This shit gets remembered.

A new one I've found is director's who finish the movie and never bother to tell you and/or need seven hundred emails and phone calls to get the fucking copy that you were promised before you shot the thing.

This was supposed to make me less angry. It isn't.

So, readers, the question I have for you is this. Do I email this producer and politely suggest that if ever a movie is done under him/her, it would behoove them to notify those that weren't chosen? Not in an angry email, no that would be far too satisfying. Something polite.

Does that make me the dick actor?

Worst medical-legal jargon I've ever read. Got every little bit of it wrong.

No, really, they suck.

I've had the displeasure of watching two movies that make me feel completely disgusted. The Strangers and Funny Games.

I'm getting a little tired of horror-type movies looking for the 'realness' of the genre. The Strangers, when not mindlessly boring, was nowhere near fun, mindless, offering little in the way of character development, and generally stupid. There was no point to the movie other than to watch innocent people be terrorized and ultimately murdered. There. I spoiled it for you. The good guys die, never had a chance. I have now saved you the nine dollars you would spend in a theater. I would rather watch Friday the 13th 2000 than this.

Funny Games I found even more disturbing. If you check out the discussion on the movie it's a statement about you the viewer. The director (who already made the movie in Germany but felt we would 'get it' better) wants you to believe that you can stop the torture at any time, just press stop.

Bullshit.

I rented this movie to watch a movie, not turn it off. Once again, no development, no reason for it to exist. There's easily a dozen shots that are longer than five minutes, none of which serve any purpose, unless the purpose was to bore me to tears.

Sorry, I rant.

(They all die in Funny Games, too. Just saved you two hours.)

Are These Really Milestones?

My face has finally met the Big Screen.

In September I wrote about my first Big Movie Extra Experience. That movie trailer is here and I am in it for about two seconds. Hold the applause.

I am now addicted to Slings & Arrows. If you do theater, you know all these people. If you feel Shakespearean actors are the most insufferable of all, you'll totally get it, then you'll want to read Hamlet again.

I can't shake this feeling of creative ennui. I'm in the trenches with two different scripts that are on draft two, so everything I wrote reads like complete shit now. I'm working on the shorter of the two just to get it done and out of my head so I can make room for the next great undertaking.

The movie I was supposed to do this summer has ended up not happening due to equipment failure. Several options were proposed but none seemed to be ideal for the production staff so they decided to scrap the whole thing. I think the overall feeling is one of relief. Everybody's got things on their plate, so there's one less thing to make time for. It's irritating that schedule wrangling ended up being for nothing but I don't mind getting those days back.

Another possible film project is working its way slowly to the surface. It has several things going for it. It's local, as in less than twenty minutes from my house, it's interesting, two thirds of the cast are already awesome, and it's local. I am tired of having to drive 2+ hours to shoot from one to eighteen hours just to have to get back in the car to do it all over again. Yes, of course I'll keep doing that. But I would like this one to happen to see what it's like not being ridiculously exhausted when on set.

I don't have much to say, but thought I'd pop my head in.

Really, I came to brag. I've decided to drop $ on concerts this year. I'm old enough and earn enough that I no longer need to accept nosebleed or lawn seats to see a show. So the concerts I have tickets for now are.

Coldplay
NIN
NIN
Radiohead

Yes, that's nine inch nails twice. I've seen them(him) three times in the past and that show has never failed to knock me off my feet. (Not literally, I never buy floor tickets for a show like that.)

Focus slowly returns

For the past couple weeks I haven't been fired up for much. Maybe it's a subtler form of post perfomance depression, but it wasn't at all bad. I watched movies, saw friends, got a ton of sleep. I just never really felt the itch to get creative.

For two reasons the juices are flowing. One, the script I've been writing (oh so slowly) has finally been finished. At least the first draft. I've been working on it since November and it's about four months overdue. For the last week I'd been pecking away, promising to write at least four pages but walking away after two. This past week the muse sat down next to me and we cranked out the last twenty five pages in three sittings. Now it's off to the guy I'm working on the story with and we can start hacking away at it.

Finishing the first draft is always a bittersweet experience. You've finally gotten all those pages down. The big push to just get it to the the end is done. Might as well jump. (Jump!) Do a funny dance. Drink something. I did all of these things and more. Then run away from it for a week and read it all back. I promise, it'll be crap. The real work begins now.

Of course, now that I've finished the first draft for this script I have to get into story meetings with the second guy I'm working with. This involves doing a remake of an old movie, obviously can't say which. Where the other script our intention is to raise financing and shoot guerilla ourselves (and the script is tailored to it) this one is a spec script, with some nebulous connection to a NY producer. I never get my hopes up about that kind if stuff, I'm far more interested in writing the script itself.

The second thing that happened was hanging out with the Martin & Silveira boys last night. Apparently I know a little more about wrangling ProTools than they do. I've been banging my head against it longer. Ran into the boys at the watering hole at the beginning of the week and they asked me to stop by. Had a great time listening to, discussing, and playing music.

My batteries are recharged.

Juno - and my reaction to it.

So recently the lady friend and myself set up on the couch to watch the courageously hip, Academy Award winning indie flick Juno. Allow me to offer my thoughts.

In the first fifteen minutes my hair blew back like the Maxell commercial from the tidal wave of hipness I was encountering. Every second, every word of this movie is a mathematically precise example of chock-full-o'-hip. The soundtrack crawled out of the speakers in its indie-unwashed-tattooed-protesting way and hung out right next to your left ear to say, "See?! We're
HIP GODDAMMIT!" In complete defiance of the fact that teenagers don't speak that way, that parents are never that cavalier about their children mouthing off in that way, ("I should smack her for saying that, but it's just so witty and clever.") Juno never breaks stride. I thought this was going to be a long trip.

From minutes fifteen to thirty, I watched with my mental arms crossed. I decided I hated this girl. I hated the boy who knocked her up. I hate the adoptive family. I am watching just to keep watching to keep my street cred up. (I have a policy of finishing almost every movie I start to watch, notable exception to this rule is Freddie Got Fingered, horrible.) Most of all I hated myself for seeing Diablo Cody accept the Oscar for best screenplay and know deep in my heart what this movie was going to be, but still wanting to believe.

After minute thirty something strange happened. I grew a callous over my over-hip sensor, immune to the pop-culture references delivered wryly and self-congratulatory. The acting went from brash and masturbatory to actually being characters that interact. Bateman I liked, personally I think he delivered one of the hardest roles, not because he was the coolest or most heroic, but because he was believable, completely.

(On one note of pop-cult reference I liked, this movie does have the best reference to 80's after school cartoons I've ever seen.)

In the end, I had to like it. I realized, again, that movies aren't supposed to be real life, they're only going for verisimilitude. I know why the 50-to-80 year olds who make up the Academy loved the S.P., they have no idea how false it is.

Oh, and the soundtrack that drove a pick in my ear? I can't stop listening to it. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

The Final Chapter of the Insanity

(I promise I've been working on this for a while.)

I'm trying to wrap my head around this one.

The end is bittersweet, sometimes more one than the other. I'm really glad to get my life back. It's funny how everything else just seems to stop for a while when I'm in the run of a show. At the same time, I'm usually incredibly depressed for a few days after knowing it's all over. Any actor can tell you about post-show depression. Just ask them.

This time around, I'm not. I'm exhausted, that's for sure. Even without a rip roaring party at the end of the run, I still managed to sleep til almost two in the afternoon Sunday. Monday, pretty much the same.

But I feel okay with letting McMurphy wander his merry way off my path. Being him was definitely like slipping into a well made suit, (Friends comparisons: "He's a hard partying wiseass who bristles at authority, REAL stretch.) but for some reason this time I feel no need to cling to it. Together we said all we wanted to say, and we bounced on a high note. How many times in your life do you get to say that? Maybe I'm becoming more mature about it, or maybe it's that I have so many other things to turn my energy back to. Either way, I finish this chapter with new friends, came full circle on a few personal issues, and got to play one of the best characters written.

I feel we accomplished something that hasn't happened in the area for a long time. We put on a show that no one really thought could be done, or done very well at best. We had a pretty drama-free (offstage) run from casting through to strike. People came out to see it, people that usually don't do thea-tuh. We had huge crowds who were incredibly interactive. For two weeks we became a small spot on the area map. The show brings out quite a few generations who are all interested in seeing it. You can take that attendance as a given, but the second weekend obviously told us we were doing more than 'putting it on'.

I wanted to write some of the things that were said to me after the show, but I just realized how incredibly arrogant that is. A lot of people said a lot of nice things, and people I've never met made it a point to stop and say hi. I was very grateful for their praise.

There were a ton of funny 'woops' moments during production, I think these moments are the ones we actors remember most. I could tell you about the final night when McMurphy is supposed to make his first entrance like a tornado, all energy and laughter, but for some reason a frog jumped down my throat that moment so he entered like a British police officer 'whatsallthis'-ing. Or the night when my 'funny' boxers are supposed to be next and I drop my pants and...they...aren't...there. Or the poor kid playing the aide who I've never messed with, until he opened the door during my offstage rendition of 'F$ck you, I'm drunk.' You get the point.

There were some holes. We were so well rehearsed that when an audience showed up, people got excited when the audience responded. Some of the guys wanted to give them more, sometimes it took away from the action at hand. I don't think it ever pulled too much attention away from the spine of the show but it damages the work that the other actors put into making it the experience we all wanted the audience to have. I spent a lot of head time making sure the play honored all the characters, not make it a 'McMurphy' show. Everyone should have had their moments to shine.

The biggest question in the aftermath I heard was, "What are you going to do next?" The first was that no, uh-uh, no way am I doing Oklahoma. Sorry folks, less than no interest. I have a rule about the theater I do just for enjoyment: I should enjoy it. I do not enjoy that show, no matter how good I'd be at this or that character. Dracula, maybe. For reasons I can't divulge right now that's way too close to me personally right now, and I had a bad enough time soaking up three different versions of OFOtCN. Another group is doing a locally written show, a musical no less. I saw the original production and I liked it. Schedule can only tell.

I thought I had a lot more to say on the subject. Ah well, let's get to pictures. Apologies for the formatting, I still haven't figured it out.

l to r: Harding, Cheswick, Billy, and Martini. As fine a group of psychos as you can find.

There was a better pic of this somewhere, but I can't find it. McMurphy meets the residents. On the floor is Scanlon, back in the nurses station is Nurse Flynn.

McMurphy meets the Chief. I'm not a small guy, so you get the idea. Wonderful actor.

Martini.

I have no idea what was going through my mind at this moment, but I love this picture. It looks like I got him.

McMurphy confronts Harding. I'll pretty much work with this actor any chance I get.

It would take too many words to explain why, but this is one of my favorite moments in the show. There's no feeling like having an audience CHEER for your character.

The end of Act I, the World Series. This is an early rehearsal photo, but it's as perfect a shot as I can get. It's currently my wallpaper.

The basketball game. Good times.

I like this picture for two reasons. One, it's great moment between the Chief and McMurphy. Two, I look almost buff.

After the shock treatment. This is my other favorite moment. It says everything about this show, this character, more than I could ever say.

The amazing, incredible cast.

A much longer, incredibly verbose post about the final weekend of the show and my reaction to it will show up soon, once I've finally wrapped my head around the whole thing.

And there will be pictures.

Update...blah blah blah

Show tonight...amazing. Tomorrow ends it all. I wish I could begin to tell you.

I can't.

Good night.

Update on the Insane (XII)

After a few days off we're back at the theater tonight for a quick rehearsal. Speed through, really, just to get our brains back into show gear. I've had a bit of a rough week. My back has decided it wants to do nothing but hurt, so I've been unable to enjoy the new incredible weather we're having. My chiropractor and I are getting to know each other very well lately.

To our surprise, there was not one, but two reviews in local papers. One took a couple pages of space. Both were very good for the show, extremely positive when it comes to reviews. Of course one paper got my name completely wrong which caused plenty of hilarity among the cast and means precisely less than nothing to me. The day I'm walking through the supermarket and someone calls me the wrong name because of a local newspaper's coverage of local theater...let's just say I don't see it in the near future.

The level of our shock was because one of these papers has gone to the trouble of letting everyone know that they don't DO that anymore. Whoever pulled whatever strings needed to be pulled, thanks. Reservations are coming in faster than our producer can write them.

I'm feeling really good about tomorrow. Don't let the vault fall now.

In other news:
I've finally gone and done it. I started watching Lost. (I refuse to link this because if you don't know what Lost is, then you sure as hell don't have the savvy to get here.) I like it. I'm neither as ravenous as die hard fans nor as angry as critics are. I'm well into the second season and find the twists not too hard to follow. Generally I like it because the production value is high, the acting is pretty damn good for tv, the directors seem to have it right, and the writing is aaaaalllllmost good. For the most part I like the writing but don't like when writers add twists without seeing where those twists go. I can see them writing themselves into a corner. I can only suspect time travel will solve these issues. (No, I'm not that savvy, I was given the hint time travel might happen.) The character writing is usually brilliant or totally ridiculous, but I can live with it.

I saw Street Kings recently. You should see it. It wasn't well liked in the critics' circle but I enjoyed it. The director had written the two movies I thought it was very similar to; Dark Blue and Training Day; and I think he upped the game. Finally he left out the sparkling clean new cop who wrestles with corruption. I've always had issues with white knights, and I'm glad that everyone here has a little mud on them. I can imagine that being a cop in one of the toughest areas of a large city removes some of your ability to think in absolutes, and this movie doesn't try to convince you otherwise.

The main reason to watch this movies is Keanu Reeves. He got back into my good graces a while ago, and I've staunchly defended him to anyone who challenges his talent. Most leading men in today's Hollywood are relative one-notes. They can change it up a bit for each movie, but they take a spine for their character and keep ramrod straight to it. They'll go deep down that path but never really stray too far from it. It's ok, that's how most of these parts are written anyway. I had always felt this true of Keanu. He had one good note: "Whoa." It worked in quite a few movies. Bill & Ted (natch), Point Break, The Devil's Advocate, The Matrix was perfect for him. Neo is a character who lives in a state of constant discovery, most of those being mind-bending. With Street Kings he accomplished two things:

1)He doesn't look like a boy anymore.

2)He never reminded me of any other character he'd already done.

He's quite dark in this movie, and his path to redemption, well, I don't want to ruin it for you. Let's just say it's nice to see him be an asshole for once.

Update on the..hell, THIS is what drugs can't even touch...(REVISED 4/14)

Im changing a lot of this post because it's too self-indulgent, as if blogging isn't inherently self-indulgent to begin with. Way too morose for such a great weekend.

I write this in the wee hours after the first weekend of shows have finished, and I see no sleep for a while...because I am too high on what happened this weekend.

In this first weekend we've already broken attendance records for this group's last half dozen shows (at least that's what I'm told). Tonight the tally was around 160. I can't even remember the last time that many people came out for a show that didn't have a pit band. Granted, the show itself carries its own weight through recognition, but apparently word of mouth is already working its magic. We doubled the crowd from the first night.

It's a long standing given that Saturday night crowds are far less excitable than Friday night crowds. Tonight was the exception. Through the tinny speaker in the green room you could hear the electricity of the crowd. The first ten minutes of the show (nearly the only time I'm not either on stage or frantically getting into the next costume) I could hear the crowd work with the cast. The air popped. I don't know how to describe it if you haven't felt it before. I just knew that it was up to us to keep them alive.

And we did. ALL of us. The minor snafus kept none of the energy off the show. For personal reasonsI walked onto the stage angry and ready for war. I used every bit of that to get through the opening, and the cast and crowd carried me through the next two hours. By intermission I felt invincible. I can't even begin to describe to you how well this cast works together, onstage and off. Do I have complaints? Sure, but the overall sense of community and harmony far outweigh any of those. We got down to it and we worked. We gave that crowd everything we could, and they gave back.

I've been remiss in mentioning that the John Proctor from last year's Crucible is playing the part of Harding. In fact, he got me to audition for the show. He and the other insanos built such a believable group of wounded it was hard not to want to help them.

The reviewer who came for the dress rehearsal has posted his review on his own website here. Kind words. I know he gives nothing false praise, so his comments were especially appreciated. He went so far as to submit it to the website that's run by the local newspaper magnate, and they plan to run an edited version of it Thursday. If that and word of mouth work, hell we might come close to sell outs. This weekend there will be a lot of family and friends out for the show. Pumped. Only wish there would be more.

Update on the Insane (X)

A quick recap leading up to last night...

The final dress went extremely well. The friends and family who came to see it were extremely responsive. There weren't more than a dozen people, but it felt like more like a performance than any other dress I'd been in. They were very supportive, we walked out of there confident. I decided to stay in that night and get some sleep.

Yesterday morning, opening day, I woke up and my throat felt like sandpaper. Awesome. So everything I had planned went on hold. I sat in the house, drank tea and played videogames. Before getting to the theater I picked up a bag full of drugs.

The show...

There's no way I can think anything other than good thoughts about last night's show. The crowd was huge and very responsive. The cast had an energy that fed everyone. If I had to comment, I'd say that there was almost too much energy, but I'll take that over too little any day of the week. With a bottle of water on either side of the stage and throat spray right next to them I got through the show without a problem. The crowd loved it, they were great. Awesome positive comments. I just pray all the shows go this well.

Update on the Insane (IX)

I guess Tuesday was MY tense day. I'm not quite sure what it was but I certainly got snippy. I kept a pretty tight lid on it, though, I got through it without coming down on anybody. Last night's run through had me feeling good. The only thing we're missing now is an audience. Which we're getting tonight.

It's the usual thing where everyone is allowed to invite a few friends to the final dress, just to get the feel for an audience. In my case, I brought a reviewer. A local writer who haunts my favorite bar is going to be my guest, he runs a website filled with his rants on music sell outs, corporate America, and sports. They're all entertaining and well thought out. I enjoy them, particularly the music rants, we talk long hours about music. He was also one of the few people who came out to The Crucible last year. (Let's face it, there's two kinds of people in this world. Those who love The Crucible...and everybody else.) I asked if he'd be willing to give us a viewing and he said he'd be happy too. I'll post the link when it's up.

I know I wrote about the dearth of local media's coverage of local theater, been trying to think of ways to fix that. I was thinking about a website, a blog in particular, that could have a few dedicated writer/reviewers to cover whatever they could. That could be a ridiculous amount of work, I don't know if I have the time.

Apparently begging and pleading has been helping ticket reservations. It seems we've broken the hundred mark on non-comp reservations. It may not sound like much, but it's definitely encouraging.

I'll let you know how tonight goes. Hopefully it won't suck.

Update on the Insane (VIII)

Production week has begun.

Had our first night with the set. It's way bigger than we imagined, but I like it more than I believed I would. Some of the guys are worried about spacing, but the folks watching seem to have no problems with it. Personally, I like some curveballs. Having to adjust to something, be it physical or 'upstairs', helps keep things from getting stale.

I have to say, I love my costume. I LOVE it. It's nothing too fancy, in fact I bought most of the stuff myself, but the effort was worth it. I scoured vintage shops for weeks finding the perfect jacket. Getting into it adds that layer of 'this is it' that ramps things up.

Tons of production photos, which are great except when you're standing on stage mostly naked and the flashes keep coming faster. Really, the pictures must be taken by the blind, because me with no clothes on isn't that pretty a sight.

On a downer note, I think some pent up feelings have started to show themselves. What's funny about it is that none of that anger is MINE. I have nothing but respect for everyone around me, and hopefully continue to show that respect. There haven't been any huge shouting matches or anything like that, just now some people seem to be putting their foot down instead of listening to each other, which is what we've been doing so well, and which has made us special in my eyes. We've also been a pretty big group of goofballs, and the director is getting pretty tired of it. A lot of that I have to own, and be more in tune with the work. Hopefully tonight we'll get some of that fixed.

As far as how good the show looks right now, I have no idea. I'm so deep into it I can't step back and look objectively.

"I Hate That Guy...I Hate ALL Those Guys" and Update on the Insane (VII)

So yesterday was one of those totally bizarre, awesome, weird days that I have to tell you about.

The lady friend and myself trekked out to the Boston area to do a day of extra work in the as yet untitled film by starring a very famous funny person. It takes place in a mall.

Extras holding/sign in was in a gigantic tent outside. We get in line, probably extras #262 and #263 out of 300. There's so many people I figure I gotta know at least one or two from my last experience doing an extra gig in September, so I'm scanning the crowd. That's when I see her. It CAN'T be her, but it looks so much like her, I gotta know.

I lean in to the lady friend, "Look at her...do you think?"

"Sneak a look at her sign in sheet and make sure."

So I sneak a look over her shoulder thinking if I get caught doing this it will be another in a loooong list of embarrassing moments. Fortunately I am smooth like 007 and got the name. Yeah, it really was her. The lady friend gives me the thumbs up, go for it.

Nervous like a schoolboy I go for it.

"Um, excuse me...Kat?"

"Yeeees?"

I can see the lack of recognition, and I can swear I hear her mentally preparing the judo chop.

"I'm Kevin..."

Still nothing.

"...an actor darkly."

That's when the light bulb goes off. Yay!

And so a totally random event kicked off a day of complete tomfoolery. We ran into E, who was my partner in crime on the last gig, and made a new friend and the five of us spent the day cracking each other up. It was so bizarre, we were kinda like old friends, just without the ever having been in the same place part.

And in case any Magickat readers were wondering, she is just as (actually even more) funny, charming, sarcastic, effin' hilarious, beautiful,witty, sweet, and warm as she reads in her blog. She's now promised to come to Cuckoo's Nest so that's one more reason why I can't suck, but at least we got to meet before the show itself. Which leads me to...

Update...
We are now moving to the final week of production. Tonight's rehearsal was the last outside of the performance space, and by Monday we'll have a set to work with. I am excited and terrified at the same time. I'm excited because the cast looks so good I'm overwhelmed. I'm terrified because now I wonder if I can measure up to them.

I haven't really talked about it much, but I'm kind of shitting myself. Not in a stage fright, oh-I'm-gonna-stink shitting myself. More like a hope-I'm doing-it-right shitting myself. I've been free to say what I like during rehearsals. Mostly it's about traps that I find myself falling into and seeing others fall in as well, but I hope I'm putting my money where my mouth is. We go back to rehearsing on Sunday, and I hope all I'm doing is putting finishing touches on the character. I can't see the forest for the trees.

Right now I can't tell.