Crawling towards the next thing

Bad blogger. No treats.

I could tell you how exhausting the whole process of Moon Over Buffalo turned out to be. I could tell you how amazing it is when you get amazing actors playing realized characters. I could tell you how inspirational it is to sit in the back of a dark theater and watch those actors create moments you never thought of, never rehearsed. I could tell you how wonderfully painful it is to just let go of it when you sit back there and release all control.

I could tell you how we were supposed to operate at a loss. How we were told that it was OK to operate at a loss, it was expected. I could tell you how we eventually profited over a thousand dollars and that was almost what I wanted to happen. (I wanted at least two thousand.) I could tell you how we tried new promotionals to get younger crowds to start wanting to see theater again. I could tell you how all of that was rolling a boulder uphill. I could tell you how new ideas are not welcome, and directors who are ready to roll through inefficiency wears out his welcome. I could tell you how I never bothered to say, "See? I was right."

But the truth is I'm too tired, and ready to move on.

For all those reasons and more I'm stuck in this cycle of contemplation. Why aren't I doing more? Why haven't I done more? The concentration I fall into doing these things turns out to be a trap.

I had this image on my head last night. I was in some gigantic space, sitting on the floor. I was building something. Something small and beautiful and fragile. Something that needed nothing less than all of my concentration. My vision became tunneled, everything else swept away. I never noticed the gigantic machines rolling around behind me in the darkness. Giant steel doors with massive locks closed behind me, I never heard. I sat back finally, this thing I made finally complete. I watched it melt away, drift apart like it had to. I stood up and found myself cut off. Again.

(Apologies. We remove ourselves from the land of emo and return you to our regular programming.)

Anywho, houses were rocked, actors had fun, money was made. It was a winner in all respects. The next thing? Who knows. I still have a shitload of writing to do and now the time to do it. Maybe next year another thing (keep looking for good plays, suggestions are welcome). As a matter of fact, you tell me your favorite play and I'll read it, how's that?